


He Loved Her

by withoutthetiger



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2110086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutthetiger/pseuds/withoutthetiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castle carried her out of the hangar and away from Montgomery's imminent death, but he didn't know how to quiet her.  Until he did.  An extension of that "Knockout" scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Loved Her

He wasn’t welcome there. He knew it, but didn’t care. Her life was on the line and damn if he wouldn’t do everything in his power to save it. No fight would change that.

He loved her.

***  
She turned when Montgomery said his name, unable to fully comprehend his presence when her world had just been rocked. He was here. Of course he was; he was _everywhere_. But then Montgomery kept talking and she pled and cried and ignored the force behind her.

Until she couldn’t. Until he wrapped his arms around her and carried her from the hangar, her mentor left to die along with pieces of her heart. She fought against his strength; really, she always had. She’d rather stand on her own, even if it killed her. 

None of her kicking slowed him down. He got her out of there, just as he was told to, and she eventually felt her determination slip away. Her body suddenly weak, he let her feet touch the ground, giving her something solid when he could offer little else. They kept moving forward, even as the tears slid down her face, his name intimately slipping from her lips.

When she was pushed up against the car, she was overcome. She was surrounded by support: metal, pavement, him. Yet, somehow, she felt like she was floating away, never to be tethered again. It was terrifying.

***

He'd never seen anything like it. The collapse of the woman in his arms was astounding; beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. She was facing him now, her tears mesmerizing, and he knew everything was changing in that moment. They would never be the same.

She was getting louder and he had to stop her, silence her. Everything depended on it. He moved his hand to her mouth, muffling the cries as well as he could, but it wasn't enough. She looked feral, eyes ablaze, even as the rest of her was dying in his embrace.

He was kissing her before he let himself acknowledge the decision. It had the desperation of their first kiss, but was otherwise unrecognizable. It wasn't born of his dreams; it was his nightmare. But he couldn't stop it, not when he felt her trying to fall into it, trying to stop choking on her own hell long enough to give it back.

They were clawing at each other, fighting too many things at the same time. She sobbed into his mouth and he caught it, willing to take it for himself. He just wanted to resuscitate her. Save her. But it just kept getting worse.

***

She had wanted to kiss him ever since their first kiss four months ago. She’d wanted to kiss him long before that, if she were completely honest. And now that it was happening, it couldn’t have been worse. Becoming increasingly hysterical, she tried to kiss him back, but couldn’t breathe long enough to do anything but cry. He was everything. In that same moment, she was nothing.

Even drowning under the force of blood rushing through her body, she could hear herself getting louder, knew it had to stop before she brought her reality raining down on him. She grabbed for his lapels, needing to hold him close. Silently begging him to forgive her inability to do anything else. His warm mouth was a beacon, but she was too blind to find it. _Please, please help me._

God help him, he was trying.

***

What else could he do? The adrenaline coursing through her was palpable; it actually made him fear that her heart might just stop. She was shaking uncontrollably, nearly lost to him already, and he had to find a way to bring her back. A way to ground her. A way to make her forget, if only for a minute. Stalling her and keeping her silent were the only ways to prevent her from running to her violent death.

He released everything he had been gripping; her hair, her face, her shoulders. His hands fell to her waist, finding the button on her jeans without having to look away from her face. The button was undone, the zipper lowered in the next second. Somehow, they maintained eye contact, even through her tears. Even through his horror at what he was about to do.

He slipped his hand between her cool skin and the innocence of her cotton panties; she fell perfectly silent, shocked still by the unexpected intrusion. When his fingers slid even lower, he found that he wasn’t any more welcome there than he had been in the hangar. Quickly pulling back, he wet his fingertips with his mouth before returning to nudge her body forward, to ease it toward something that might bring her relief.

With his awkward angle, and the sleeve of his suit jacket in the way, he couldn't move far. Beginning to rub small circles against her, he felt parts of him crumble. How had everything they’d become come down to this?

***

A sharp shiver cascaded down her spine, but she was oddly grateful for the reminder that she could still feel something. He was touching her and she hated it; not that he was doing it, but that he was doing it now. It was never supposed to be like this.

It took her a moment to realize that she wasn't making any noise; the tears still fell, probably always would, but she was quiet. Sadly, the silence was worse. No longer distracted by her sobs, she replayed everything Montgomery had just said. Every moment of her career. Every detail of her mother's murder.

She fell forward against him, focusing on the way he was working her body, attempting to awaken something stronger than herself. When she bit into his neck and begged, she felt the tense flash of confusion before he made a quick decision.

Yes.

***

No.

She was pleading against him, her breath so hot that he thought she might scald the sensitive skin of his neck. But he didn't know how to respond. Surely he couldn't...

He felt her rock into him, seeking something more, but he didn't know if he had anything left to give. She did it again, and he retracted his hand, bringing both to the sides of her jeans and tugging them, and her panties, forcefully down her trembling thighs. Once they were past her knees, they fell helplessly to her ankles, bunched there and forgotten.

Seconds later, he was freeing himself, treacherously ready and heavy in his hand. Everything about what he was doing terrified him, but nothing was as horrific as his body's eagerness. A lifetime of love had been experienced in three years, and it was being thrown away by an unspeakable betrayal.

***

She hadn't let go of his jacket; she was sure she'd fall to the ground if she did. She might never be able to let him go again. The chill in the air had crawled across her bare legs, but she didn't care. She just waited for him.

He wet his fingers again and she wanted to apologize for not being ready, for being dragged into something she had wanted forever. It would hurt, emotionally much more than anything else. It would scar, leaving memories for a lifetime. She wondered if they'd ever recover.

Brushing his hand against her, he tried to prepare her as well as he could. She felt one finger, then another, and it simply didn't matter anymore. There was no reason to delay the inevitable. He had to take her now.

She rose up on her tiptoes and he seemed to understand. His hand left her empty, and then she was lifted, opening herself up to him with only the limits of her pants and the dream of something better.

***

He pushed into her, hard and fast, the only way he could think to force her back together. Her knees bracketed his hips, her ankles bound. He tripped over regret and found an ugly rhythm, praying to a god he didn't believe in for an end he didn't want.

He moved quickly, pressing her against the car with each thrust. She was mostly limp in his arms, still imploring him with her eyes, and he finally closed his, unable to live up to anything she might have wanted him to be. The darkness was welcome; it matched everything he felt.

When she leaned forward to bite him a second time, he allowed himself a split second to forget the rest. He let himself believe that this was real. 

***

It started as a hum from somewhere deep inside. She ignored it at first, until it became a slow burn, a rising tide, the sun peeking out from a dark cloud. It would have been unfathomable if she had been able to think at all, but there it was.

She shuddered, tightening around him with all the ferocity she didn't feel. Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out. All the words she'd always wanted to say, her confessions, her hopes. They stayed muted; her body responded with a roar

He seemed as surprised as she was, but followed where she led. When she heard her name hidden within his moan, it sounded too much like an apology.

***

The entire thing was over in just a few minutes, though something special had lived and died in that span. He managed to get their clothes back in place as quickly as they had fallen away. Then, his hand was back over her mouth; this time he wasn't trying to keep her quiet, he was trying to capture the things he'd never hear. Her eyes were dulled, the tears dried on her beautiful face.

When he felt her hand on his cheek, he almost broke completely. It was entirely too gentle for what he had just done to her, to them. They stayed there, touching each other with illicit reverence, until the final shot shattered the night. She ran back into the hangar, forever changed, as he watched with resignation.

He still loved her.


End file.
